Committing to the Bit (and McDonald's)

A journey to the magical experience that was McDonald's in the 80s.

McDonald’s in the 80s. It was a time of Happy Meals, new weekly toys, the Monopoly game (have you seen the documentary?), and questionable nuggets.

But none of those were the main attraction for me.

As a child, my favorite part of a McDonald’s visit wasn’t the outdoor playground (You crawl into the Hamburglar’s body? Or rock the giant, hollow Grimace? Not okay.), or the ball pit (where COVID really came from). No no no. 

My particular McDonald’s in Salem, Oregon featured one of those tiny merry-go-rounds that you see in malls.

You know the one. Three horses. Rickety. Static-y music. Handles sticky from a thousand children’s unwashed hands.

All of that, yes. But McDonald’s. With Fry Guys.

I loved this ride because it gave me a job to do.

The Merry-Go-Round was right by the entrance. I would hit the button to start the ride, jump on a Fry Guy, and freeze like a statue, with a giant smile on my face, and my arm frozen in a friendly, welcoming wave, as the shaky contraption circled.

Frozen smile, frozen wave, unfocused eyes. Over and over.

In my childhood mind, I thought I could trick people into thinking that the owners of this particular McDonald’s franchise had purchased a life-like statue of a child to welcome guests into the restaurant.

“Is that a real boy?”

“He isn’t moving, so he must be a statue.”

“Either way, I feel welcomed! Let’s go order our Filet O' Fish sandwiches.”

I would do this for an hour. Before and after eating the Happy Meal.

I was SO INTENSE about this that I would wait to blink or breathe ONLY when the ride rotated me away from the door, facing the wall.

I’m not Walt Disney, but I do appreciate the art of magical illusion.

Now, as I was recently retelling this story to my children, it struck me — for the very first time — how ridiculous this must have looked to other families coming in the door.

Here’s a kid, frozen with a goofy smile on his face, a haunting far-off gaze, and a stationary raised hand. Turn after turn. And. He’s. Not. Stopping. 

“Dad, can I go play on the Merry-go-round?”

“Just hold off a minute, son. Let’s see if Statue Boy takes a break to get a sip of Orange Crush.”

Soooo, what’s the point here?

All of this has nothing to do with business or leadership or advertising or “crushing it,” and maybe it’s just fun.

Also, maybe there’s a trope in here about “if you’re going to do something, you should really commit to the bit.” Go all the way.

Either way, thanks for reading. Have a great day [frozen wave].

— Statue Boy

PS — this isn’t an #ad sponsored by McDonald’s, but it could be. It SHOULD be.