My wavering/unwavering commitment to getting on stage

I performed at The Moth again last night, and I don't know what I'm doing but I'm showing up

Mar 06, 2024

I committed to getting up on stage in front of strangers 20 times this year, and unlike every other New Year’s resolution I’ve ever made, I’m actually clawing my way through it.

I went up again last night at The Moth in Silverlake (Los Angeles) for their Story Slam event, where every speaker shared an on-the-spot story on the theme “Dazzled.”

Progress Report

But before I share that experience, let’s review how my “get on stage” resolution is going:

In January, my wife had a minor (and reasonable) concern that I was veering toward quitting my job and committing to grinding it out as a road comic.

While I don’t know what this journey will turn into, I can safely say that I’m not looking for five weeks of open mic gigs across the Midwest. I value my time at home, attention to family life, and flexibility to pursue many different types of work.

Yet, I’ve committed to improving as a speaker, communicator, and, dare I say it, comedian. This is the multi-hyphenate level I’m seeking.

My progress so far:

2 — Stand-up open mics

Both of them brutal experiences for different reasons. One was an outdoor performance space for 12 people and a toddler (I did fine), and one was a packed-out bar (I bombed VERY hard. No laughs in 4 minutes before I ducked out before my time)

3 — The Moth Story Slams

I prepared for all three and got up on stage twice

So, 4-5-ish times. I’ll take it.

But it ain’t all rosy news: I can’t underline how much bombing at that Open Mic threw me for a loop.

Injected doubt into my veins.

I know (in my head) that you’re supposed to bomb on stage. It doesn’t always go well for everyone, especially a re-beginner like me.

But here’s the thing - the real thing. The EMBARASSING thing.

I really thought I would be different. That I’m special.

I’m laughing while writing how talented I think I am.

Compare that against Steve Martin’s definition of talent — he said he “wasn’t talented” for years and years:

So About Last Night

To give myself some grace, I wrote down a short list of how it went last night as an encouragement to myself and an attempt to share a bit of my process and thinking.

What went well:

I showed up. I didn’t make an excuse. I made a plan and did it. I can’t (and shouldn’t) shortchange this.
In fact, I was recognized by someone for having shown up multiple times (this was my third time coming and second time going up on stage)
I had prepared a good story -- I told a version of meeting Kobe Bryant at an event honoring John Williams
I pre-wrote it and rehearsed multiple times
My first draft was 9 minutes, and I whittled it down to 5:30, cutting away little bits that I care about but didn't add to the main point
I discovered the throughline that pulled the whole piece together. It was a throw-away joke with a hidden kernel of truth. It became the secret truth of my feelings during that season. I transformed an anecdote that happened TO me about what was happening INSIDE me during that moment, following Ira Glass's advice for storytelling. (my paraphrase) "Sure, that story is nice, but what was happening with YOU that makes this personal and interesting." (overheard multiple times on Mike Birbiglia's podcast)
I found a joke in the moment that got a big laugh. I didn't pre-write this. I said that Kobe and I, upon sitting down at the table together, discovered that we had a lot in common: "We both had daughters, we both loved basketball (laugh), and we both loved movies. He was close friends with John Williams, and I had seen Star Wars (big laugh)."
Two people came up to me afterward to say that I was their favorite that night, asking if I had rehearsed and that they "could never" go up on stage like that. It's nice to get feedback from strangers.

What I didn’t like about last night:

It was short and fast. And not enough to improve. I need lots more reps to learn what works and what doesn't. One or two performances a month won't help me get (to quote Steve Martin) un-ignorable.
I was lazy in some of my transitions. The difference between amateurs and professionals is the small details and transitions between story components are so critical. I had five real thought transitions in a five-minute piece, and I only had three of them written with specific timing and phrasing.
I didn't love the room set-up as much as the other Moth venue. This room was spread out, not packed tight. There were booths and casual seats along the walls. I sat on the floor with many others. There was an active bar in the room which was distracting. The audience was wrapped around the stage more than 180 degrees, forcing me to turn my head back and forth like I was at Wimbledon. It didn’t allow for eye contact with anyone.
I didn’t win. Ha—I got third place based on the VERY subjective judging. I’m actually not mad about “losing” at all, but I do want to learn how to destroy in rooms like that.

One question

Here’s the next thing I’m thinking about. I’d love your thoughts on this.

I’ll continue to go up on stage and figure out what to make of this skill set.

But should I start to film things and put them on social media (I’m looking at you, Instagram). I’ve been in a season of being very anti-social media, so I’m hesitant to jump in. I don’t want to waste my time chasing something that I’m yet clear on.

Thanks

I’m glad I went up and glad I have a place to share my thoughts here.

A special thanks to friends like Zac and Jay and Norm who have all been VERY encouraging as I’ve ventured out. A heartfelt thanks to my wife Katie who is a massive cheerleader for me.

And thanks to YOU for following along. Would love to hear what public speaking advice or tips that have helped you.