I canceled myself during a karaoke song

That time I discovered, mid-song, that my go-to crowd-pleaser was problematic.

Alec McNayr

May 21, 2024

Do you remember your first music purchase?

My very first tape was Stone Cold Rhymin' by Young MC.

It was 1989. I was 11 years old, living a small-town life in Salem, Oregon.

My exposure to music was fairly limited.

My dad had a 70s-era record collection, which featured the Allman Brothers, Lynyrd Skynyrd, some late-era Beatles, and (buckle up) the soundtrack to the Village People 1980 movie(!) Can't Stop the Music, which (I assume) features the story of a construction worker, a biker, a Native American chief(?), and their friends teaming up in New York.

Like The Avengers, but more fabulous.

The album art featured a photo of actress Valerie Perrine on stage with the 'People, sitting in a giant Martini glass, dressed in a shimmery costume with her LONG, BARE LEGS exposed(!).

This was the sexiest thing I had ever seen and was perhaps the first time I noticed my interest in ladies. The irony.

My parents would play the latest Amy Grant tape on the way to church every Sunday, pre-gaming on Jesus. This was before she crossed over to more mainstream pop hits. These were deep worship cuts. Ancient Hebrew, even. If you grew up in church in the 80s, you know.

So I had classic rock, a leg Martini, and El Shaddai.

These were my influences.

So imagine my young brain exploding when I heard Young MC on the radio.

I had just received my quintessential 80s purchase, a two-tape boom box, so I ventured to Fred Meyer (the Target of Oregon), birthday money in hand, to buy my first cassette tapes.

I purchased Stone Cold Rhymin’ by Young MC and We Didn't Start the Fire by Bill Joel.

Young MC’s Bust A Move wasn’t just a song.

It was an education.

For an 11-year-old, it was a glimpse into the world of dating and the pursuit of those Martini legs I had read so much about.

I listened to it a hundred million times.

I can, to this day, sing every verse and lyric with perfect intonation and precision.

For 20 years, Bust A Move was my go-to karaoke song

How could it not be?

It's a crowd-pleaser. People cheer when they hear the opening bass line.

It starts with “Bust it.” And people do exactly that.

They come running from other rooms. It’s an invitation. It’s a siren’s call.

This song kicked off the dance portion of wedding receptions for a generation.

This was my go-to karaoke song.

Until one day, it wasn’t.

The Day the Music Died

It was March 9, 2016. A Wednesday night.

My company had been acquired the year before and we got something we never had before.

Nice offices.

A fancy lobby.

A place to gather.

Previously, we were remote, stealing space at coffee shops and co-working spaces and occasionally gathering everyone in a hotel conference room.

Strangers in foreign spaces.

But this was different. We hosted a special after-hours event in our new space.

A hundred people filled the lobby. Drinks, laughter, and stories filled the room.

And then the singing began.

I let a few people go before me, then I lined up my go-to song.

It was my time to shine.

I took the mic.

My downward spiral, verse by verse

Bust it

Like clockwork, everyone gathered around.

This here's a jam for all the fellas
Tryin' to do what those ladies tell us
Get shot down 'cause you're overzealous
Play hard to get, females get jealous

This is a great start.

We know who this is for.

This is a jam FOR the fellas. BY a fella. He knows the pain of fellas.

Stuck is a lose-lose pursuit of female companionship. Just like Angela Lansbury sang.

Now, this is an important note because, of the people there, I’d say 75% of them were NOT fellas.

Our company was very female. At the time, I had eight people reporting to me, and seven of them were female.

This was a room of females. Most of them early in their careers.

And I was their older male boss.

Ok, smarty, go to a party
Girls are scantily clad and showin' body
A chick walks by you wish you could sex her
But you're standin' on the wall like you was Poindexter

Okay, we've hit the first bump in the road.

Not one of those sharp speedbumps that destroy your shocks and your sanity. DID I JUST RUN OVER A CHILD'S BIKE HELMET?

No, one of those big, smooth road bumps. The ones you glide over. You don’t even notice them.

I did a quick swerve over those lines. I realized that I was looking out into a crowd of ~~girls~~ women, but none of them were scantily clad, and I certainly didn't want to "sex" any of them.

I should have pulled the rip cord right there.

But I powered through til I hit the word Pointdexter, a reference I still totally don’t understand.

Next day's function, high class luncheon
Food is served and you're stone cold munchin'
Music comes on, people start to dance
But then you ate so much you nearly split your pants

Phew. Finally, a story. This is much more relatable. No one is "sexing" anyone.

A girl starts walkin', guys start gawkin'
Sits down next to you and starts talkin'
Says she wanna dance 'cause she likes the groove
So come on, fatso, and just bust a move

Oh, this is great. Just earnest pursuit of an attractive lady.

This is practically a courting scene from Gone With The Wind, it's so pure.

Like what our great-grandparents must have done during the Great Depression.

Some light body-shaming, but it’s about myself, so all good.

You're on a mission and you're wishin'
Someone could cure your lonely condition
Lookin' for love in all the wrong places
No fine girls, just ugly faces

Okay, now I’m starting to feel the heat of an HR trash fire.

No fine girls just ugly faces? To this room of employees.

I was flowing the lyrics I had memorized in my youth, attempting to exude the confidence of my MC training.

But the secret interior panic was starting to set in and my brain was scanning ahead to see what problematic lyrics were coming up.

From frustration, first inclination
Is to become a monk and leave the situation
But every dark tunnel has a light of hope
So don't hang yourself with a celibate rope

Sage advice.

Again, remember that I memorized this song at 11 years old, when I didn't know what "celibate" meant. We didn't have the internet to look these things up. So imagine me as a pre-teen full-voice singing this in my room.

This is the sex education we got in the 80s.

New movie's showin', so you're goin'
Could care less about the five you're blowin'
Theatre gets dark just to start the show
Then you spot a fine woman sittin' in your row
She's dressed in yellow, she says "hello
Come sit next to me, you fine fellow!"
You run over there without a second to lose
And what comes next? hey, bust a move!

This is a desperate man.

He's going to a movie just because it's showing. No sense of what the movie is. No fandom. No expectation. Just wasting his precious time.

And he appears to have a very low opinion of money. Thinks nothing of the five American dollars he paid for this experience. He's in a dark place, literally and figuratively.

Let’s not get caught up on whether he COULD or COULD NOT care less about the money he’s spending. Let’s just agree that he’s not thinking a lot about it.

Because we need to deal with the fact that he has seen a woman in flashy clothing, who has also come to this movie alone, and beckons him to join her.

You don’t have to see too many Vegas movies to realize this woman is a prostitute. The kind of woman who is looking to pick up men in movie theaters? WHAT IS THIS SONG?

WHY am I thinking all of this while singing to all these self-respecting women? Why am I, the boss, dangling this filth in front of them?

They seem to be cheering me on, but is that because they feel compelled to, because of the power dynamic?

If you want it, you got it
If you want it, baby, you got it, (just bust a move!)
If you want it, you got it
If you want it, baby, you got it

This verse break is the calm before the HR complaint storm.

In the city, ladies look pretty
Guys tell jokes so they can seem witty
Tell a funny joke just to get some play
Then you try to make a move and she says, "no way"

Now I’m in the dark place.

I have to escape this song.

I can feel the HR emails funneling into my inbox.

The trash fire has grown and I’m about to roll up a dumpster.

Girls are fakin', goodness sakin'
They want a man who brings home the bacon
Got no money and you got no car
Then you got no woman and there you are
Some girls are sophistic, materialistic
Looking for a man makes them opportunistic
They're lyin' on the beach perpetratin' a tan
So that a brother with money can be their man

Now I’ve twisted the knife.

Remember that I just sold my company the year prior?

I know this. Everyone in the room knows this.

I am a brother with money.

Now I’ve done it. Have I no shame?

I start to worry that they think that I think this song is an elaborate rouse to attact one of these women?

This song IS a siren’s call! I am the SIREN.

I’m spinning out. I have to stop.

Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry
In five days from now he's gonna marry
He's hopin' you can make it there if you can
'Cause in the ceremony you'll be the best man
You say neato, check your libido
And roll to the church in your new tuxedo
The bride walks down just to start the wedding
And there's one more girl you won't be getting
So you start thinkin', then you start blinkin'
A bridesmaid looks and thinks that you're winkin'
She thinks you're kinda cute so she winks back
And now you're feelin really fine 'cause the girl is stacked

I’m in agony.

By this point, I pretend like I don’t know the words. Like a bad hype man, I just hit the rhyming words at the ends of lines.

The pain of being bad at karaoke was better than the embarrassment of singing this sexual conquest song to my team of hard-working, earnest, respectable ladies.

This is dark night of the soul stuff.

Reception's jumpin', bass is pumpin'
Look at the girl and your heart starts thumpin'
Says she wants to dance to a different groove
Now you know what to do, G, bust a move!

I blacked out until the very last line, which everyone sang in unison.

I passed the mic to someone who probably did a great job singing YMCA.

A view from the bottom

If I did a straw poll of the people there that night, I bet that ZERO of them thought any of this inappropriate.

It was a fun late 80s song that does, in fact, get the party started. Sure, it’s a jam for the fellas, but everyone has a pretty good time.

And perhaps I’m exaggerating my inner monologue for dramatic effect.

This discussion about what is appropriate—and what isn’t—is very much a part of our culture today, especially in the workplace. Not so much in 2016.

But I like to think that because I do have a little bit of this self-awareness, it makes me a better boss, a better man, and a better human in the eyes of the women in my life.

Even when I’m getting it oh-so wrong.

BUST IT—

What was your first music purchase?

Have you ever self-canceled yourself?

These are the questions we’re dying to know.