Man, it does hurt - deeply - to be rejected and excluded. And it doesn't stop after high school, unfortunately. I recently had a run-in with a 45-year-old man-child who is still trying to be a "cool kid" in high school (now he's just the "cool" teacher). He actually said out loud while on a run with me and some other friends that he couldn't enjoy Hamilton (!) on Broadway in NYC because he couldn't handle the "theatrics" of watching those nerds perform on stage (not making this up). And because I apparently wasn't "cool enough" (whatever that means at 45), I was promptly and unceremoniously rejected by my romantic partner, and in an instant lost a relationship I *thought* was deep and true and enduring (with his younger sister, who, it turns out, is still desperate to fit in with her "cool" older brother, even at 40). All of a sudden I was my 13-year-old self, being rejected by the cool kids and excluded from basketball games and parties, and fighting feeling horrible about myself, like I'm not worthy of love and respect because of some ephemeral quality that I didn't even know I am supposed to have or be pursuing. I thought all that shit was behind us, but apparently some people never grow out of the need to make others feel small so they can feel ok about themselves. It's been rough to deal with that fallout in therapy, but I'm doing the work. And now I have a VERY clear example of how NOT to act as a mature 45-year-old adult. Your story provides yet another cautionary tale about being "cool". Let's commit to being better, and to teaching our kids how to be better.
Josh, I dont know if this will help, but here's a personal story from my life. Like all 15-20ish kids, we worry about being cool. One day, maybe my soph or junior year of college I had a lightbulb moment. I realized that I valued my self-worth on the way I was viewed by other people/students. Then I realized that that was completely external and out of my control. Letting that go set me free. Been rad ever since.
At least we both achieved coolness at Pepperdine #winning
Man, it does hurt - deeply - to be rejected and excluded. And it doesn't stop after high school, unfortunately. I recently had a run-in with a 45-year-old man-child who is still trying to be a "cool kid" in high school (now he's just the "cool" teacher). He actually said out loud while on a run with me and some other friends that he couldn't enjoy Hamilton (!) on Broadway in NYC because he couldn't handle the "theatrics" of watching those nerds perform on stage (not making this up). And because I apparently wasn't "cool enough" (whatever that means at 45), I was promptly and unceremoniously rejected by my romantic partner, and in an instant lost a relationship I *thought* was deep and true and enduring (with his younger sister, who, it turns out, is still desperate to fit in with her "cool" older brother, even at 40). All of a sudden I was my 13-year-old self, being rejected by the cool kids and excluded from basketball games and parties, and fighting feeling horrible about myself, like I'm not worthy of love and respect because of some ephemeral quality that I didn't even know I am supposed to have or be pursuing. I thought all that shit was behind us, but apparently some people never grow out of the need to make others feel small so they can feel ok about themselves. It's been rough to deal with that fallout in therapy, but I'm doing the work. And now I have a VERY clear example of how NOT to act as a mature 45-year-old adult. Your story provides yet another cautionary tale about being "cool". Let's commit to being better, and to teaching our kids how to be better.
Thanks for sharing, brother.
Josh, I dont know if this will help, but here's a personal story from my life. Like all 15-20ish kids, we worry about being cool. One day, maybe my soph or junior year of college I had a lightbulb moment. I realized that I valued my self-worth on the way I was viewed by other people/students. Then I realized that that was completely external and out of my control. Letting that go set me free. Been rad ever since.